saw my psychiatrist today... i am not schizofrenic... just the delusions i have been experiencing are all part of my mind trying to deal with everything that is goin on. i finished a poem the other day... which is really strange, because i typically dont write poetry... but i posted it on deviant, its called "Not So Vacant". its a poem about my depression and how i cant deal with being me... my life is great, i just wish i could pull myself together...maybe i will get to that point someday before i die... today was interesting... and hot as hell... i got so used to the typical rainy, chilly day weather in new england that i actually forgot what it felt like for it to be so hot and humid outside... i was fucking melting out there... my friend lili called me today, she wanted to know if i could give her and her boyfriend bill a ride to best buy... ya know, i love that girl like a sister but lately it seems she only calls me or comes over when she needs something from me... whether its a ride to frigen stop and shop, or her and bill are having another fight and she needs to blow off steam... which would be fine if she would just call me for the sake of calling me... or just come over just to hang out... not cuz shes upset or she needs a ride somewhere... i have asked her to do alot of shite with me too... im just tired of offering. karl didnt get up for work today, so i got to keep him all day... that is the second time this week he stayed home, he wanted to go to my psychologist appointment on wednesday, and i had my psych appointment today... he is so damned cute... he hasnt cut his hair in like 4 months... and he bought these new really small round glasses, and he hasnt shaved in like 2 1/2 weeks... he looks like a beatnik!!!lol!!!i swear he looks like a john lennon reincarnate. me and his dad pick on him whenever we visit his parents... its wicked funny... im starting my new job on tuesday, im working 9 to 5 in saugus. i just bought my uniform. i hafta wear khakis and a plain black shirt. i might have complained maybe 6 months ago, but to be honest i really dont punk myself out anymore, i really dont focus on what i am wearing anymore like when i was a teenager. i used to shop at like hot topic (god that store is really annoying sometimes...) and like uber trendy thrift stores, dye my hair pink, blood red, blue, black and shite, but it just takes way too much fucking effort anymore i am more focused on my artwork rather than what i am wearing. i throw on my hook-ups tshirt, or my dropkick murphy's, or one of karls tshirts, a pair of jeans, my teva sandals and i am set... im just like what-the-fuck-ever...i think i recall days where i didnt bother to look in the mirror (althought i hate looking at myself in the mirror anyways...) but im rambling... peace out
p.s. im wondering if emoticons work here so i will try this one